I'm looking for a boyfriend with (insert criteria here)

So, my friends and I always have these conversations about our "perfect partner" criteria. Here are some of the things they said... (Note that these are legitimate and rather personal preferences)

Angela "As long as he has a beard, I'm fine with everything." 

• I EFFING LOVE GUYS. I don't know how to specify that anymore. 
• As long as he has a FINE BEARD. [NO STUBBLE!]
• And is Korean.
• Well, he doesn't have to be Korean, but he has to speak Korean and like Korean food. 
• And he needs to go to graduate school. Preferably in MY field.
• And I don't want anyone who's majoring in music. NO! Or art. (Because they're crazy...) [cue me being offended]
• I like the quiet types (so he can listen to what I'm saying. I mean, I don't want a guy who talks a lot because I like to talk a lot). #Domination
• NOT GIAN. 
• Somebody's who's funny.... 
• and he can't be shorter than I am (because I want tall babies.) 

"And I think that's pretty much it— I'm not that specific."-Angela 

Cindy

• Cindy wants tall babies, too.
• I don't like Asian people (personal preference).
• I don't like beards. (Angela "WHY ARE YOU GOING AGAINST ALL MY POINTS!" Cindy "I don't think guys should have them.." Angela "THEY'RE THE MOST MAGNIFICENT THINGS IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!") 
• He needs to be relatively intelligent. 
• His job can be whatever the hell he wants (as long as he's making money) 
• He can be.. nice
• Compassionate 

Angela "Any physical characteristics? Nice abs? Nice... cows?" 

Cindy "COWS?!"

Angela "CALVES!" 

(Yeah, at this point, Angela turned into an interviewer to "get more out of Cindy")

Gian "He has to be able to twerk."

Angela "Yeah! Like, any ... dance moves you want him to have?"

Cindy "No.."

Angela "WOW. YOU'RE SO SPECIFIC." 

• moderately athletic/ fit
• outdoorsy 
• likes dogs (Cindy doesn't like cats.) 
• He needs to not crush me to death when he's sleeping... so he can't roll around...  

Gian

• a girl shorter than him
• intelligent
• short
• cutesy and bubbly 

(This was dictated by Cindy and Angela because Gian was studying Chem. Gian "Wow, you guys remembered it." :)

Nick

• "Any girl..."
• "... with B-cup boobs (or bigger)."
• "And a butt. (Because butts are nice in the winter)." 

Paul (One of the whitest kids I know)

• Ethnic
• Tall

Amanda

• someone smarter (or just as smart) as she is (which eliminates 99% of our school)
• less than a foot taller than her (She's 4'11)
• relatively fit
• not a heavy partier
• someone who won't push his views onto her 
• someone less awkward than she is 

Adib

• Sexy
• Intelligent
• Someone with similar culture and religion 
• someone who's mean, preferably (to handle his sarcasm) 

OT

• isn't crazy
• has the "lost boy look"
• Can't illegally pirate music
• No glasses
• Needs abs
• NOT left-handed
• Birthday on the 26th of the month 

Andy

• Someone with personality
• bulky.. buff... rugged buff guys?
• Into anime 
• Nice

Cindy, "Why do we even have lists? because this doesn't even matter."

Angela, "Because I want a guy with a beard."